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rofl [12 May 2005|11:36am] LOL ( Read more... ) Sometimes its fun to confuse walton 2 pretend to | Care?

blah [28 Apr 2005|04:03pm] I feel like I am mentally going back to how i used to be before the zoloft. Its weird, i was holdin a big 2L bottle of coke and the size of it, i dont know, it frightened me. Last night i was rubbing a peice of string between my fingers and started to feel all panicky. I feel so suffocated again, i feel at times like I am drowning in a pool of fluff unable to get up or move. The anxiety attacks are coming back, the sleepless nights are already here, as are the nightmares. Despite being on the medication for 2 and a half years maybe it was to early to go off them? I dont know, i just feel all confused again. I was looking through my old journal/poem book, and most of the feelings havent changed much in a few years, but then i dont know, i think i have changed. I mean before i couldnt stop the panic attacks, but now I can, i tell myself to calm down, list what i like and stuff. but i dont know its the nightmares and sleepless nights and the begingings of them that are worrying me. Perhaps this is just a result of too much stress, getting ill, leaving home, worrying about matt and mum, and dealing with a vindictive and wanna be controlling grandmother. I guess now i understand how my mother felt when she was younger and living with nanna, its like she feels she has the right to control every aspect of my life, and im like NO. I guess thats one of the similarities between the woman in our family, despite most being in abusive relationships, they are very strong and domineering. I also feel realy confused about what i want to do with my life. Before when i was younger i had it all planned out I was going to be a big actress or a family lawyer and defend woman who hade been in violent relationships. Now i am really not sure, i try to figure things out, but i feel so stuck. I also dont feel like i belong here or anywhere, im at nannas and im well an outsider there, when i go back home my place has slowly disspeared, all i am there for is for a pulling toy for nanna and mum to gnaw at. The gold coast has been getting better for me though, ive become closer to sarah and the boys so now nearly every night we go out and do something and they rescue me from this place. But i stil dont want to stay here, i cant afford to stay here :P the rent on the gold coast is dearer than brisbane. Well thats my angst session for today.... dont hate me 9 pretend to | Care?

can you say cam whore [26 Apr 2005|02:50pm] 11 pretend to | Care?

[01 Apr 2005|08:52pm] dairymilkchocolate@hotmail.com add me bitches 2 pretend to | Care?

[01 Apr 2005|05:40am] i got my laptop! this means i can be on at night and talk to you all! yay 5 pretend to | Care?

[30 Mar 2005|11:54am] staring at your phone waiting for someone to call and entertain you isnt fun Care?

[05 Feb 2005|12:25pm] Ok all who dont know friday 11th of febuary is drinking in brisbane, we meet at 6 at replay and head to gardens/boardwalk for alcohol all can come. Oh and its in celebration of my 18th so you all MUST come. otherwise i will feel unloved 12 pretend to | Care?

[29 Jan 2005|10:37am] ATREYU IS COMING TO AUSTRALIA! 8 pretend to | Care?

stolen from subbie [29 Jan 2005|10:35am] 1. Reply to this post because I would like to say a couple words about you. 2. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it. 3. I will also tell you what celebrity/public person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise. 4. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you. 5. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone's day 6 pretend to | Care?

Fuck you man [26 Jan 2005|10:42am] Tell lies about me. boost your fucking ego just remember i rejected you 5 pretend to | Care?

[22 Jan 2005|12:13pm] I met such a lovely person the other day, I was sitting at a waiting room. she leaned over and complimented me on my outfit then sneezed all over my black corduroy pants, there was snot everywhere, in spite of this we have become friends. her name is linda 4 pretend to | Care?

[19 Jan 2005|01:05pm] Despite getting in to the course im still repeating yr12 , the course wasnt covered by HECS or any other payment plan. so ur 12 at pbc w00t 4 pretend to | Care?

[15 Jan 2005|08:48am] I FUCKING GOT IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH MY CRAPPY OP I GOT INTO TAFE AT MORNINGSIDE, AND WHATS MORE ITS MY FIRST FUCKING PREFERENCE! W00T 10 pretend to | Care?

[05 Jan 2005|10:56am] new years was ok... most noteable thing stumbling around beenleigh in searh of a pie then being stopped by police cause poke flashed them.... tehehehe although i got really drunk, which was bad.... i rang bonesy apparently and emberrased myself.... the phone is my enemy when i drink. 9 pretend to | Care?

[02 Dec 2004|07:45pm] So i got some formal pics developed and scanned, marvel at my smexiness 7 pretend to | Care?

[21 Nov 2004|07:40pm] so this journal is friends only now. comment to be added. Care?

[08 Nov 2004|03:59pm] Yep, new LJ 4 pretend to | Care?

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